No Is Not An Option!

For the past few weeks I have noticed on the local and national news, story after story and number after number shocking disparities in women lives. These messages have been clear and consistent that some women have become discouraged and frustrated. They are giving up on looking for jobs. They are giving up on their marriages. They are giving up on church. They have even given up on life.

What I’ve discovered so far is that there are a lot of broken women. Women who are broken physically, mentally and financially. They can’t see past where they are and have lost hope on what’s ahead. They have lost the zeal of experiencing what we’ve heard so often called “The American” dream. I mean from the best neighborhoods to worst across America, everyone is experiencing the turbulence of troubled times causing us to say no I just give up. I quit.


I believe positioning yourself for purpose is predicated on your next decision. In the book of Ruth, we can see an example of this type of determination through two devoted friends Ruth and Naomi. I am encouraged through Ruth because here we have a young woman who was a princess. She is the great grand-daughter of King Eglon of Moab. She was married to Mahlon who later died and now she is a young widow. She is faced with a situation that is hopeless. She has no husband, no money and no means to take care of herself.

I don’t know if you are aware of this. But in those days widows had no standing in the community and were totally dependent upon the good will of their families and friends for survival. It was the duty of the Priests to look after widows and orphans, but there was no such provision in Moab; because there was famine in the land.

But something happens to change her destiny through the wisdom of her mother-in-law Naomi. In chapter 1 verses 6-7 says, One day she got herself together, she and her two daughters-in-law, to leave the country of Moab and set out for home; she had heard that God had been pleased to visit his people and give them food. And so she started out from the place she had been living, she and her two daughters-in-law with her, on the road back to the land of Judah. (Message Bible)


Sisters, feeling sorry for ourselves or continuing to wallow in our pity parties is not going to help us. Naomi’s action is what I call Decisive Faith – Faith that says, “I have to make the decision and get myself together”. She received a word God was blessing the people and decided it is time to take a step of faith towards her destiny.

This is the problem we face as women, when we have things that block our perspective on what is going on. We can be so close to God, but yet so far away. We can avoid the consequences of poor decisions by taking God’s word seriously. You may think you have been rejected, excluded, cutoff, and shutout, but, I want to encourage you that God wants to put a word down in your spirit that will enable you to get up and make a decision to begin moving toward your deliverance.

After examining her situation, Ruth refuses to take “no” as her final answer decides to leave her current state and go. She decided to go with Naomi to Bethlehem. Ruth did not allow herself to be paralyzed by her lack of a husband. She understood God’s promised provision and was willing to position herself for purpose. She understood it would take act of obedience, diligence and was able to receive the blessings of God.

Ruth was able to discern when her season was up. In chapter 1 verse 16 But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God”. She realized she was in a difficult place because there was a famine. Sisters, shift your focus. Quit looking at your situation and start anticipating your blessings. Don’t be so preoccupied with your current situation that you don’t see beyond it. For example, if you’re having problems with your job, look beyond it. If you are having difficulties in a relationship, get past it.



Or are you like Orpah? Who was so preoccupied with her situation she could not discern the blessings ahead. Orpah made a decision to turn and go back. Orpah was a woman full of unbelief and empty of wisdom. She made a mistake on making a now decision on a then experience. She was limiting her future to her past. She had more faith in her lack than she had in the promise. Sisters when you do that, you are limiting on what you could be based upon what you have been. Just like our sister Orpah, you become preoccupied with problems and situations, when you should be looking at opportunities.


Instead of focusing on negative, develop an attitude of expectancy. To say you were born this way and you will never change -- negative. To say this is how I am and it is what it is -- negative. To say, I don’t have enough education – negative. To say I am too fat – negative. To say I will never get married – negative. Your current situation isn’t the destination, but a chance to alter the course to get there. You have to take a stand and be bold enough to say like Ruth, “no is not an option”, I’m going all the way. I am moving forward!

Peace and blessings to you,
Cynthia A. Patterson
www.dove-ministries.org
"Author of the forthcoming book, It Had to Happen - Understanding that everything you go through in life is for God's Purpose."

What's the Problem?

“Responsibility is my response to God’s ability”~ Albert J. Lown

Here's a question to answer: what issues have you been dealing with that have drained you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, and have isolated you from those whom you depend on for love and affection? I know this to be the case because we all have issues we deal with that cause us to be in search for healing, and for those of us who know God, it is ultimately a search for Jesus Christ. We come to a place where we have been repeating a cycle that causes us to want to give up on life. These issues have taken us to a point where we have exhausted all of our money, time and efforts in seeking a solution, only to find that what we thought was a solution was merely a temporary fix to our real problem.

For years, we have been treating these symptoms of our suffering instead of attacking the root cause of our spiritual ailment: our lack of a relationship with God. Without him in our lives, anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity take up permanent residence in our lives. These symptoms grow worse over time and eventually manifest themselves in fractured relationships, uncontrolled anger, personal isolation and addiction. Left unchecked, these newly manifested conditions, especially in the case of addiction, may cause us to seek refuge in drugs or sinful behavior. Suddenly the very thing we thought would help ease the pain of our suffering winds up taking us even further away from God.

Self-doubt leads to depression, which leads to addiction, which leads to more self-doubt, a vicious cycle that has only numbed us to how we are really feeling. Secular wisdom in the form of pop culture, reality TV, self help books, etc., only offer to treat symptoms to make you feel better temporarily -- the world's way doesn't address the root problem. Jesus, our Great Physician, knows that only when the core issue is addressed can there be true healing. We receive the root healing from Christ when we are born again.



Virginia Lively, in her book, Healing the Hurt in Your Heart – The Guiding Post Treasury of Hope, makes the following statement: “When we get down to the underlying problem, time after time, it was not medical, nor even, at its deepest, psychological. The real trouble was spiritual. And it was precisely the same problem…These people had trouble loving God.” (Lively, 1976)

I truly believe our true need is a healing of harmful memories and experiences. I recall of a time in my life when I was living a promiscuous lifestyle, indulging in drugs and alcohol while giving in to my lustful desires. I was living a double life, working in Corporate America by day and performing in an elaborate Gentlemen’s Club by night. While this lifestyle was very gratifying, it turned out that I chose to live like this as a way to suppress the feelings of guilt, shame, abandonment, and humiliation that I had acquired from all my negative experiences. So for years, I was pursuing something that only fixed these issues temporarily by satisfying a desire for a momentary high or rush. It was only a place where I could lose myself and be someone else. This Oscar performance was extraordinary and I knew all the lines.

Lost with no hope at all, I decided to go on a search for something to fill this emptiness. This search caused me many years of being in dysfunctional relationships with different men. In ministering to women as well as dealing with it myself, I have discovered a disturbing trend that affects the emotional and spiritual wellbeing of many women in society: The lack of love from a father who said he would be there and never showed up.

In Sarah Zacharias Davis’ book, Transparent, I am reminded of the character Rachel. Rachel said, “There is no disputing the special relationship between fathers and daughters, though often greater attention is given between father and son. But fatherly affection, telling a daughter she is beautiful and creating a standard for how she should be treated, is important. I believe a daughter’s relationship with her father leaves her either walking with a limp or brandishing a hidden power the rest of her life.” (Davis, 2007) For most of us this is a real issue. Without the love from our earthly father it has been difficult for us to trust our heavenly Father. Consider this: Ephesians describes a father as the Spiritual Head of the family, so it would stand to reason that a man, a father should exemplify the godly traits that would be an example for his family. It would stand to reason, then, that the relationship between a man and his daughter will in some way mirror the relationship between God and his earthly daughters. Without a relationship with an earthly father, a woman has nothing against which she can pattern her relationship with her Heavenly Father.

Now for those of you who had a father there for you, were you spoiled by him and always got what you wanted? When you were a little girl and had problems, did your father pick you up and tell you everything was going to be okay and you believed him without question? Do you recall sitting in his lap with your head against his chest, listening to the vibration of his voice as he spoke. And when you held his hand as you walked, did it make you feel safe and secure? Your dad always made you feel special. If you had this kind of relationship with your earthly father, how do you think it would affect your relationship with your Heavenly Father? It would stand to reason that you would try to duplicate this relationship with God in some way. Your relationship with your earthly father would be used as a blueprint in forming your relationship with God.

Let me add a small caution here, however, before you fall into the trap of thinking God will try to fulfill your every desire just like your daddy did. God does not roll like that. God’s primary concern is the salvation of your soul, not the elevation of your earthly status. While he does bless some of us with wealth and status, his desire is for you to grow spiritually, to shed the trappings of sin and death and embrace the gift of salvation that he sent you through His son. Just as a sword is forged in fire to create a mighty weapon, your soul may be subjected to the spiritual fires of suffering and deprivation to rid you of the sinful habits that build a wall between you and God. What this means, my sisters, is that God does not remove the suffering when you ask him to; he removes it when you have grown. In the face of suffering, ask yourself this question: What does God want me to learn, and how does he want me to grow?

Then, there are those of us who have had a completely opposite relationship with our fathers, which has negatively affected the way we relate to God. I’m reminded of the tragic story of Tamar, The beautiful daughter of King David in 2 Samuel 13:1-22. The bible illustrates how this story unfolds, How Amnon her half-brother, was infatuated by her. Amnon followed the advice of his cousin Jonadab, who told him to pretend he had an illness, and ask his father King David to send Tamar to care for him. The innocent Tamar, being obedient to her father, came to feed whom she thought was her ill brother. Her brother raped her, robbing her of her innocence and subjecting her to a life of, insult shame and humiliation. Verse 19 says, Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

In ancient times, virgin daughters of the King wore a robe that indicated their status. So when her other brother Absalom, saw her appearance and found out what had happened, he said to her, “Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." From then on, Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman. Desolate means abandoned, depressed, lonely. Do these sound like familiar feelings that describe you?

My heart goes out to Tamar, because here you have a brother who betrayed her, and another brother who told her to keep quiet about being violated. The most horrible experience of all, however, was the fact that she was practically ignored by her powerful father, King David, who could have righted this wrong. For the bible said while King David was furious when he heard of the incident, he held no resentment against Amnon, whom he favored as his first born. If we assumed Tamar’s honor was never restored, what do you think she might have been like by the time she was forty? By then, she would have spent decades asking, where was her father when she screamed? Where was he when Amnon violated her? Was he so preoccupied with the death of His first son by Bathsheba? Was he exhausted from fighting in the war so he could not discern his son Amnon’s motives? Whatever the case, he was not there for her. He was not there to protect her.

Like Tamar many of us were convinced by the enemy we were not fit to have honor or dignity due to the abandonment and non-involvement of our earthy fathers. Before we continue our journey forward to self-discovery and healing, let us take a look backwards to see how our past has affected our lives today.


Discovery Questions

1.Read Philippians 3:12-14. Do you think your past is hindering you from enjoying God’s plan for your future?


2.Can you identify what it is that is hindering you?


3.Write down your belief statement that will encourage you when it tries to come back.


4.Pray for God to begin the process.


Reflections to Journal:
1.Lord, I recognize I have an issue and need healing in:

2.Grant me wisdom and strength to obey you in the area of:

3.You are calling me to be more complete by:

It Had to Happen -- Part 2

In Mark Chapter 5, we are introduced to a woman with no name. We don’t know how old she is but old enough to be a wife but not elderly. She is known for having an issue of blood. In other scriptures, she is also referred to as the hemorrhaging woman. Whether she has an issue of blood, or is hemorrhaging, she is definitely a woman with an infirmity. She is definitely a woman in need of peace to made whole.

This week God has led me to encourage everyone to pursue the Peace of God. Therefore, we will look at Isaiah 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock.

In looking at this text, it lets us know that Peace is a result of trusting God. It reveals to us The author of peace is God. Yet at times we tend look to other things besides God to get it. Generally, the idea is “Would you please help me change others so I can have peace? Would you please help me change my situation so I can have peace? But, our scripture says in verse 3, You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Therefore, If there is a lack of peace in our lives, this verse reveals as evident there is a lack of relationship with God. In order to find out where this lack is we must realize what has happened and identify the following things:
1) What I cannot control
2) What I can control
3) What am I motivated by

Meaning, we cannot control people or the outcome of situations and circumstances. But, we can control our own thoughts, desires, words and actions.
How would we do this? By evaluating and taking responsibility in our actions on how we respond to people and the outcome of our situations. For example, if you are confronted by individuals, faced with a situation or circumstance that may try to sap your peace today. Verse 4 assures us to Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock. This word Rock in Hebrew means maw-ooz a fortified place, defense, strength. Therefore the very next time you are faced with challenges, I want you, stop and ask yourself these questions:

Can I control how this person thinks? Can I control the outcome of this situation? Is my current thought, desire, words or actions line up with God? And as result will my response be motivated by my love for God above my selfish desires? Or Am I motivated by my selfish desires above my love for God?

You choose, because John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]~~Amplified Version.

Remember everything you went through...It Had to Happen!

It Had To Happen - Intro Part 1

Sisters, we are living in a society, where so many of us are searching, so many of us are exploring for the answers to this thing we call life. We are in a society where many us are in search to finding out our purpose. We are changing our degree plans. We are changing our careers. We are changing our hairstyles. We are changing our styles to latest trends. We have become serial daters. One month we’re with this guy and another month with that one. And some are of us are even changing to an alternative life-style. And you know why?

As women we seek affirmation and praise. We want someone to approve of us. We hunger for protection and assurance. We strive for love and security. God has designed us to grow from babies to little girls. From little girls to young ladies. And now God wants you to blossom into a woman who is whole. Because many of us don’t realize that it is the trick of the devil to keep your purpose veiled because he knows that true purpose is engendered in God, and a woman who finds her true purpose, she will become dangerous to the devil.

We heard and quoted many scriptures. Like weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning…What the devil meant for evil, God meant it for good…And all things work together for good of them who love God and are called according to His purpose. We really want to believe that. We really want to believe our pain is passing. We really want to believe that one day our joy will be perma-nent. But wherever you are today, you’ve been asking God – Why?

Why is it you keep having sleepless nights? Why is it you’re still dealing with this escapable hurt? Why is it you keep missing the mark of being a submissive wife and love your husband? Why is it your child keeps disrespecting you? Why is it your in and out these dysfunctional relationships?

Why is it you’re constantly feeling disappointed? Why is it everyone is coming to you for the answers to their issues and you can’t even figure out your own? Why is it every night we lie in our beds when darkness comes against our mind telling us we’re nothing? If we would have done this that would not have happened. If we would have been a better this, they would not have done that. When things are so tough right now you can’t even share with your girlfriends, because you are the one who “supposed to” have it together.

The truth of the matter, we have been walking around masking and closing the door to our own mind of what we are really feeling. And everything we dream for has been shattered into pieces and we don’t have the will or desire to stoop down and pickup the pieces and put them together again. Because we are emotionally drained. Physically tired and we are in a comatose state; just going through the motions in life aimlessly.

For the next few weeks we will take this journey together and discover the answer to these questions. It is my prayer that each of you be opened to experience a life changing experience that you have been desperately trying to find. Together we will explore some issues that have influenced our emotional behavior both positively and negatively.

These blogs are for healing, restoring, and focusing on our relationship with God. We will explore the life of a woman in Mark Chapter 5 who suffered a great issue for twelve years. For twelve years it seems as if life was hopeless for her. But through a determination and perseverance she was able to receive the help she needed. It is my prayer that you will receive practical insight through the word of God on His healing power. Just like this woman in Mark Chapter 5, God is no respector a person; He will do the same for you, if you allow Him too.

Please note my sisters this blog is meant for those who are ready to read it. It’s a voluntary, personal choice for women who say, “I’m feeling you”, I know someone who needs this; or how can I help someone?” Now if this is forwarded to you by someone, continue reading it, they are sowing a seed into your life. Afterwards, pass it on to someone else and sow a seed into their lives. Paul says in the Kings James Version of 1 Corinthians 3:6, my work was to plant seed in your hearts, and another to water it, but it was God, not we, who made the garden grow in your hearts. Remember "It Had To Happen".